I'm back and ready for the Oscars (Tobey Maguire is presenting!!!). Saw 40 Days and 40 Nights per Alex's request. The only good part of the movie was Josh Hartnett. Alex made a big boo-boo this weekend. We got to talking about body image and he stated that he was impressed as to how hard I work at keeping my figure. He claims that you can "tell by looking at me that I could be fat if I ate a lot and didn't exercise, but seeing as I watch myself its all good." He then mentioned that I had wide hips. Can I say I want to slap you. Now I'm totally freaking out about my weight. I've recently sworn off all sweets and sugar drinks. It doesn't help that my hormones are going crazy and that I have been spotting now for about a month. There is one part of myself that I'm totally insecure and that would be my body. Fuck it.

Guess who is going to Binghamton next weekend? Yep, that would be me. Alex chose me over Long Island. Yipee.

I've been in the pissiest mood this weekend. I have a feeling that the provera (progesteron) that I was on two weeks ago is really starting to fuck with my hormones. I took provera for the first five days of my period (making it incredibly light) and two days after my period ended I got my period again. The second period ended after seven days and now, five days later, I have symptons of PMS and light spotting. I really wish I knew what the fuck is going on.
It doesn't help that this is the first weekend in a while that Alex and I have been apart. He said that he "might" call me friday night, but he went to see a showing of Oceans Eleven at the University Union instead. Then I tried calling him Saturday Evening but he was at Wal-Mart. I eventually got him and I was just in a bitchy mood. He told me that he "might" stay on campus next weekend so that we can spend time together before Spring Break. This of course may have changed seeing as his parents called him this morning (they call every Sunday at noon). I just know that his mother whined and told him that he has to go home on Friday. What the fuck is the difference between seeing him on Friday or Monday? I just know that I'm going to have problems with this woman.
Then last night I had a ton of fucked up dreams. Most of them revolved around Alex and I having sex and me yelling at my mom for not treating me like an adult. I woke up is such a state that I was literally dizzy and had to lay down for a spell.
To top off a rather depressing weekend, I went to the mall with all intentions of buying a bra but (like always) there is this conspiracy against women with the bra size 34C. Any bra that was half way decent was either an A or B cup. This trend is really starting to piss me off. I think I may go into the business of selling clothing. All of the clothes in my store will be the following:
1. Shirts sizes M and L.
2. Pants size 9/10
3. Bras 34C
4. Shoes 9 and 9wide.
And that is all I will sell. Fuck all you girls who are either smaller or bigger than this. I really hate being the average size for everything. They never have my size. God Damn you.

Today my parents and I drove to Saratoga to visit our favorite Borders Bookstore. While we were gone I left my im on. I came home to find a messege from my ex. Two nights ago I was chatting with him and, when I asked him about his lack of employment, he basically blew me off and stopped chatting with me. At that time I made no big deal about it and just signed off and went to bed, but when I got back today I saw that he left a messege for me stating that he was "sorry for ignoring you after you asked about my employment status. It was childish." Whatever. I really didn't care all that much. I have this feeling that he has been lying to me about alot of things. For example, he is supposedly giving a moderation concert at Bard College even though they kicked him out. Then he informend me that he was going to SUNY New Paltz but left because it "just wasn't working out." Now he is looking to move back to the Bard area until this summer, and that he is quite content not knowing what the hell he is doing with his life. Honestly, does he think that I'm gulible enough to believe that shit.
In other news, Alex and I are having our first weekend apart in a while. He has to Study for a big exam on Monday. Thursday night he called and chatted for about twenty minutes. He told me that he would try to call friday, but that he might not call so to not get my hopes up. Well, he didn't call and I just went to bed early. Currently I've been trying to call him for the past 60.5 minutes and I've gotten nowhere. The library closes at 6pm and he is supposedly supposed to be studying. I just miss him so much and when I have nothing to occupy my mind I end up looking for Weezer multi-media to feed my Rivers Cuomo obsession. Tomorrow he has to ask his parents if he can stay at school next weekend so that I can see him before Spring Break. My question is, why does a 21 year old man have to ask his parents permission to do anything? Why the hell do I keep dating men that have to take orders from their parents. Fuck his mom.

Here's a question...Should I, if the train ticket is paid for, go to Long Island for a Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning?

So the weekend has past and who knows when I will see Alex next. This upcoming weekend is mid-terms weekend. The weekend after that marks the beginning of spring break at Binghamton University, and the weekend after that is the Kids in the Hall/Easter weekend. This past weekend also marked Alex and mine first official fight. Yes, we have been together for over a year and have only had this one fight. Of course, like all fights, it was over something silly. The morning after Jeremy heard us talking and called Alex's room to ask if I was allowing him to "come out of confinement." Then, a major surprise to me, Kathy informed us that she "heard" Alex and I last weekend. This being in response to everyone always teasing her and Tom about their sex life. (See there is this on going joke that when Kathy and Tom go to bed that they are "sleeping" and not actually sleeping. So, Kathy wanted to know why no one ever teased Alex and I about it.) Basically, Kathy informed everyone in the apartment that she heard Alex and I having sex. Should I be embaressed? Especially seeing as we aren't having sex. We are "pleasing" one another, but not having sex. Alex and I also had a deep discussion about where we will be in a few months. He is in the process of choosing a grad school and this will determine where I will be living. So far it sounds like I'll be on Long Island. He also informed me that he sees us together in his future and hopefully will always be together. This makes me feel so much more secure in our relationship. Love is a strong emotion and I think after a year I can safetly say that I am in Love with Alexander Leicht.

I went to Binghamton for the weeked and for the second time attened a "real" college party. (Not, counting club activity.) This party was hosted by one of Alex's roommate's ex-girlfriends. She had recently moved off campus into an apartment and wanted to have a party. When we arrived I was shocked to find that I was one of five women in an apartment filled with around twenty men. Seeing as most men go to parties to hit on chicks, and seeing that I was probably the only chick in the room that was not fat and somewhat attractive, I was feeling rather uncomfortable. There were two rather entertaining drunk/stoned fat, balding with pony tailed, jewish guys who kept yelling about being men and filled with testoterone. One of these men looked strangely like the tall guy from Penn and Teller. Eventually after an hour and a half we left. The next night was a supposed trip to Turning Stone Casino, but seeing as the men in charge didn't leave until 8:30pm, Alex and I decided not to go and played trivial pursuit instead. I won, as always :-) . Now I'm suffering from a terrible upset stomache. Ouch.